I wrote a blog post not too long ago about the empty nest or preparing for it. He woke me up with something that I was going through related to this topic. This is what I wrote:
We all experience loss at some point in our lives....loss of a loved one; loss of jobs; loss of health. Those are pretty obvious losses. And then there is the losses that are not so obvious.Those life changes that involve loss but we don't even realize we have lost something. Things like moving to a new home or town, graduating high school, or having your first child. You are excited and happy because you are gaining something but deep down there is a sense of loss that we often cannot pinpoint. We often call these times bitter/sweet.
(Sesame Street)
(happy face clipart)
What am I getting to? I am on the verge of having 2 adult children. When my kids were very young, I thought if we made it through this (which had to be the hardest part) and we raised them right, they would make most of the right decisions and go on to be successful adults and I could retire from parenthood happy and rich in memories of a job well done. It was that easy!
It turns out it is not that cut and dried! It does not get easier the older they get. It gets more complicated! Right now, I am at a crossroads. I can continue to be mommy, but risk hindering what they need to learn for themselves or I can step back and let God teach them through life what they didn't learn from us. Sounds like an easy decision to me, but it isn't. Stepping back means giving them back to God to be the parent. But I am the mommy! I have held this position for over 20 years. It feels as if someone is saying "We're sorry, Maam, or should I say Mom, your services are no longer needed." What?! I have put so much time and energy in this project, and now you are telling me I am no longer needed? (Or at least it feels that way!) This is the loss I was talking about that I didn't realize I was going through. I thought I was gaining freedom, which I am, so why does it hurt so much?
My kids don't need me as much. I need to step away and let God take over and I think it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I want to go back to the simple times where I taught and they learned and if they did wrong there was a consequence. If they fell, I kissed them and picked them back up. Oh they will still need me from time to time but not in the same way. I am grieving this loss, and just as in any other loss, there is a grieving process that I have to let run its course. I will not learn what the heavenly Father has for me to learn if I don't.
So, I reluctantly gather my belongings and place them in a box and leave my office. I know I will be called
upon if and when I am needed again. I know, so dramatic, isn't it. Lol. Well, hey, it was the middle of the night.
(Bethel gospel radio)
To sum this up, we lose and gain in this life all the time and God has a gift in each and every loss and gain we go through. We need to take the time with Him to see what that gift is. Believe me, it is priceless! I am still in the middle of this process and He is right there walking me through it all. Teen and adult children are hard! We aren't meant to do this alone. The Lord created them and put them in your care for a reason. But at a certain age, He takes them back to continue what we have begun. I trust that He knows how to parent much better than me, so Lord, they are all yours!
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